The Aftermath
by Winter Lady
Summary: One shot - Virmire reaction. FemShep, Liara Ashley


_A/N - I know this doesn't exactly fit into the timeline of the game, but just assume for this story that Liara and Shep became more acquainted way before Ilos._

The Aftermath

"Alright, everybody, hang on!" Joker's warning reverberated through the Normandy followed by the sound of the nuke exploding. A somber spectre stood silently as Doctor Chakwas took command of the injured gunnery chief. She would brook no interruptions as she hurried her charge to the med bay. The team disbursed in quiet, a stunned hush falling over the ship as the realization sunk in that one of their comrades was not coming back.

Commander Shepard walked slowly over to her locker and began stowing her weapons. Her attempt at removing her armor was stymied by her shaking hands and burning eyes. She rested her forehead on the cool locker and tried to pace her mind though the relaxation exercises that were drilled into all Alliance officers. The spectre managed to reduce her heart rate, but that only amplified the dull feeling in the pit of her stomach. Her second attempt at her armor was more successful, but the dented throat guard would not budge. The reminder of the encounter with Saren would have fueled her rage at any other time, but now, it was only a source of undeniable frustration.

The commander's grief had trapped her inside her own musings and she was startled to find rough hands at her throat, gently ripping away the ruined metal band encircling her neck. She turned to speak, but the krogan battlemaster had already had his back to her, head bowed, as he made his way back down to his familiar station. She needed to regain that positive, confident air before the post mission debrief, but she didn't know if she'd be able to this time. It wasn't that she had never had a soldier die under her command, but this was so much more personal. She could hear his soft voice, usually full of concern, echoing in her head.

"It's the right choice and you know it Ash" he had said to the chief. Shepard regretted her weak apology to him, wishing she had said more. "I understand, Commander, I don't regret a thing." The last words she had heard from him were burned in her soul, his forgiveness granted for her impossible decision. She did not know if she would be so quick to forgive herself. The spectre made her way to her quarters, crew members avoiding her purposeful stride. While the shower washed away the dust and sweat, it couldn't clean the taint that Virmire would forever leave on her. She dressed and made her way to comm room to face the rest of the team.

When she arrived, they had all taken their usual seats, but the empty chair to her right spoke the loudest. On the other side of the open seat, the chief was staring at her, waiting to speak her mind. Shepard found it difficult to answer her underlying accusation and questioning of the decision made. Williams was anguished and wrought with guilt. Liara rescued the spectre from the scene, focusing the conversation back to the task at hand, joining their minds and identifying Ilos as their destination. The team was quick to disperse, each to their own demons.

The spectre walked slowly back to her cabin, allowing the not quite healed chief to follow her. As they reached the door, Ashley called out from behind "Commander, can I have a word with you?"

"Come on in Ash, "the spectre replied, punching the door control. On the way past her desk, she engaged the comm system mute. There were some conversations that she kept from her intrepid pilot, even if he usually meant well.

The gunnery chief stopped and looked her commanding officer in the eye.

"Off the record, ma'am?" she asked.

"Of course," the spectre started, but then was cut off by the chief.

"You never answered my question." Ashley challenged the commander.

Shepard gave her chief some room, walking back toward her desk.

"What question, Williams?" she asked quietly.

"It should have been me, Commander. You know that." Ashley said, her voice cracking with emotion. "You saved my life, I'm grateful for that, but it should have been me. Alenko was a superior officer. I would have gladly stayed behind."

"Are you questioning my decision, soldier?" the spectre challenged.

"I um, no ma'am." She answered in a hushed voice, bowing her head.

"Ashley, "the commander began, crossing over to her distraught weapons specialist, "sometimes, in the heat of battle choices have to be made. I truly thought there would be time to sweep by the tower and pick up his team too. I was wrong."

The spectre led the unresisting chief across her room and sat her on the edge of the bed. She continued "Even if I knew that, my decision would not have changed."

Ashley looked up at her commanding officer, holding back tears. "Why, ma'am?" she choked out.

"Because your death isn't going to clear your family name, but your life can. You deserve that chance."

"But Kaiden…" The chief could barely speak at this time. The spectre leaned over and drew her friend into a hug.

"Mourn him, Ash, then let him go." She encouraged.

"But you don't understand, commander," the chief sobbed, "every time I love someone, I lose them. First, a petty officer on Eden Prime, then Kaiden. It should have been me, ma'am, it should have been me."

Shepard hugged her closer and let her cry. "Sometimes, you have to look beyond the now and see what's in your future. I need you in that future Ashley. Once we destroy that bastard, we're going to need talented, smart, ornery soldiers to make the difference. You're the one for that."

The chief raised her head and looked at her friend. "Ornery? Who you calling ornery?" she said in a much stronger voice. Shepard saw the ghost of a smile on Ashley's tear stained face. "I think you're going to be OK, soldier." The spectre said, brushing a tear from the chief's face and giving her one last hug.

At that moment, the door swished open and a very startled asari took in the scene in front of her.

"Shepard… "She gasped, then spun around and fled the room.

The commander and gunnery chief glanced at each other and at quickly ended their embrace.

"Sorry, commander, for making your uniform all soggy." Ashley apologized. "You better go after Liara," she added. "She can get a bit high strung at times."

"Hey, lay off, I'll worry about her." The spectre teased. She then added in a more serious tone, "Come talk to me later, Ashley, it'll make you feel better."

"I don't know Commander, you just might be busy." The chief snickered. "Have fun explaining." With that, she wiped her eyes one last time and left the spectre shaking her head.

Shepard walked across the ship to the med bay, where Dr. Chakwas was running some tests on an injured salarian. Their eyes met and the doctor motioned to the storage area in the back of the med bay. The spectre nodded her thanks and went to the back room.

She found Liara with her head in her hands, sobbing.

Putting her arms around the tearful asari, she kissed the side of her throat.

"Liara, I was just comforting a friend." She murmured, drawing the asari closer.

"I was coming to do the same." The scientist whispered.

Shepard pulled the asari to her feet, never breaking contact.

"I could really use that, Li, care to start again?" the spectre answered, brushing the asari's lips with her own. Liara's response chased all other thoughts from the spectre's mind.


End file.
